If your next potential dating partner is a widower with children, it's essential that you prepare for the task of dating him. Failing to do so can leave you feeling as if you'll never live up to his deceased wife's reputation. It can also end up hurting him more, if you're not comfortable discussing emotionally charged issues. Put your own emotions into perspective. Understand that feeling some jealousy or apprehension about dating a widower is acceptable. Ignoring your feelings can cause more problems if the relationship progresses.
Discussing your concerns with a trusted friend can help you identify potential issues. It can also help you formulate solutions, if you feel like the impending relationship is worth it. Provide a comfortable atmosphere for discussion. This will help him open up to you about his deceased wife and their relationship.
I’m Dating A Widower And His Kids Don’t Want Him To Be With Anyone With Children
Avoid changing the subject when he brings her up, or placing his wife on a pedestal. Doing so will only leave you feeling incompetent and unworthy of his affection. Listening to him express his feelings about her can also reveal his readiness for a serious relationship.
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Give him space to reminisce and grieve. Preventing him from acknowledging his pain will only stunt the natural grieving process. Take note of significant events such as his previous anniversary date and her birth and death dates. Realize that his children may need his extra support around these potentially devastating occasions. Lend your support without making anyone feel crowded. Try not to compare yourself to his deceased wife.
This behavior may end up destroying your chances at a successful relationship. Realize that all partnerships are different and that your bond is unique. It does seem that his children are still struggling a bit with the loss of their mother because they were drawn to this other woman because she reminded them of their mother.
How to Date a Widower With Children | Dating Tips
This seems like they are looking for a replacement rather than ready to really move forward. Your partner made a huge mistake in the promise he made his kids. He gave them veto power rather than allowing their input. The kids will be resentful of you and your relationship with their father. Your partner needs to keep working with his children in dealing with their grief. The most healing factor with grief is time. If the kids continue to see you with their father, while he continues helping them adjust to their grief so that they can move forward, your relationship should be in better shape.
Thanks so much for replying. I just love their dad and want us to be a family, along with my kids, too.
He has told me that falling in love with me is just like it was with his late wife. He said after a couple of dates, he knew I was the one.
Children who have Lost A Parent
He has said time and again that he loves me and wants to be with me, but is torn between wanting to be with me and keeping his kids happy. Am I completely off base here?
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I forgot to mention that my youngest daughter, who is 11, is an extremely sensitive girl. Her dad and I divorced when she was almost 6. So, she is sensitive to this situation too. She also has ADHD. His daughter and her were having disagreements over who should get which toy and such. That has gotten a lot better since she has been on medication. It sounds like the two of you really need to sit down and re-establish some boundaries in your relationship and discuss where you feel like things are.
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